second week of insomnia

The funniest thing is that it starts just like a bad joke. You know, those jokes that your uncle tells at all family gatherings and you are smiling while dying inside twice. Once because they are terrible or stopped being funny like five years ago, and, the second time, because he tells the same joke every freaking time.

First night is annoying, it really is, but after all you just give up, which means that  you fall asleep tired by your anger. The next morning maybe you are not the most conscious person, but at least you go to sleep at almost a normal time. Though, this is yet not a punchline. It’s a red herring.

So on the next days you try to force yourself to sleep. You take pills, you drink warm milk, get baths, take more pills, take different pills, wake up earlier, change bedclothes, bandage your aching legs and arms. Finally, because it’s weekend you just drink too much and fall asleep like a baby, so surprised that you haven’t waken up two days later, instead of early morning after.

You end up sober, tired and sleepy. For the second fucking week. You go to bed and here comes the climax. Insomnia. It’s back.

I honestly do not remember when it started. I know that when it comes to stress I am a little bit like Hulk, so my secret is I am always stressed.

I think the biggest sleepless time in my life so far had it’s breaking point when I was finishing college and, tbh, I didn’t have much time to sleep anyway, because there was so much to do and so little time. Plus, I was confused as shit. This explains a lot.

On the other hand, I got used to the situation, at which the weather is at certain state, like rain or snow, or basically cold, and I cannot sleep because my joints hurt. Though, bandages/pills/ointments/all of the above used to be helpful enough. Lately even my head hurts as I lay it on my pillow and this is just so fucking unfair.

Some nights I simply feel, no wait, I do not feel anymore. I simply think that maybe, just maybe, my mind has run out of dreams and that is why it cannot get the body to sleep. Then I remind myself that I drink a lot of coffee so it may be the fault of magnesium level. Dear blood, I will be happy to drink less coffee IF I COULD GET SOME SLEEP.

So here I am, second week of me not having things done. I fall asleep at my exam notes and thesis books. The same time I just cannot sleep in my own bed. Writing is 100000x harder, unless I get drunk on weekend or just totally do not care about  shit. I am getting easily annoyed, cannot find right music background for learning time and I feel like I am not the best teacher  lately.

What is the point of second week of insomnia then? Trust me, I have no fucking idea. I envy each and every one of you who has somehow figured it out.


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