made it a poem too

I cannot believe how long does it take me to write this note.

As many of you know, I am an aspiring writer, novelist, well, whatever you call it. I am working hard, writing every day, reading a lot, analyzing a lot, basically, doing a lot of weird literary stuff, because I try to do my best, and maybe because I do not want to do my other responsibilities, tbh. Anyway, I have only a slight idea on whether it gives any result on my writing, probably must do, if my great beta readers tell me some nice things. At least lately they do.  However, I was not a brilliant writing child genious and I was not being very encouraged to write by my teachers. They got rather fixed on my another early discovered feature and just now I realized how weirdly unfortunate was that. Poetry that is.

I do not remember when this whole poems thing started. Well, my mom tends to say that it was probably when I began to write*. So, hella days ago. Of course I have no idea what was the first poem about, but the first one I remember was about my cat that got lost, so yea, sad children stories must have been the initial theme. Trust me, I have no idea how anyone could think about those silly children rhymes to be so decent that my teachers actually used them in school shows. If this is not confusing for a child, I don’t know what is?

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Okay, maybe there are a bunch of confusing things, like maths, animals and so on, but let’s continue this way. Don’t be mistaken that I was the one thinking highly of myself because of this weird situation. I was rather thinking anyone appreciated my writing for having some family connections in my school. Besides, I always hated to hear my poems being read aloud. Though, I wrote quite a lot of them, like for my parents’ birthdays or V-day etc. All the gifted people were usually happy as hell and willing to read them aloud, so it was often ending with me claiming a sudden escape to the bathroom or anywhere far from the reader. How weird is it in nowadays context, when my big dream is to write a script, right? With actual people reading it? Crazy.

About reading poems, I did enjoyed reciting poetry. Year by year, back in my school days I was taking part in different reciting competitions. I haven’t won anything ever, but I had a great memory and a real love for interpreting poems, so I used to take part in them anyway. Also, I was always in some kind of theater group in school, so you know what I mean. I was just reciting poems on daily basis. I think this experience gave me some knowledge on how to  build a good rhythm in a poem. Well, still it did not change my mind on how embarrassing is to hear your own poems being read, aloud or at all, until one day.

In middle school we had a lot of folk activities organized by our library, you know. Painting courses, folk poems reciting competitions  and other stuff. Once they invited some poet that was involved with all this folk craze and [now] I know she wrote a lot of poems about our region. At the time I did not know who the woman was or whether she was an important persona. Also, I did not know our librarian gave her my poems to read. Well, I realized this was the case, when the poet came to me and hugged me and was all like “Oh my, this is so sweet, your poems are very good, you should write them more.”

So I did.

I wrote so many of them that I gathered them all together and published in a library when I was in high school (I am pretty sure I am mentioned at their website now, wow, after all these years!).  I got really optimistic about this, so I started writing more and sending my poems to different competitions. Here came the day when I attended one competition, did not get through the eliminations, but got the possibility to ask the jury for the opinion. In short, they told me my poems were too immature.** However, again the fate shown her surprising face, because around that time I also found my poem in a very different place. I got published in some magazine for teenagers (that was still quite classy back then), and the poet that was keeping the poetry corner updated said, my poems are very good and I am great at short forms. How cool is that?

I think the biggest breakthrough came in my college years. When you study English major you suddenly realize, that form is only a concept, so you can use it all the way you want to. You can change it, or experiment with it, and it is all totally fine, because at some point of literary history, someone made a poem out of random people’s talks on a street or wrote down the stream of consciousness and made it a poem too. Once my friend asked me to write a fan fiction for her, but I didn’t feel well enough with writing stories, so I tried to write a poem about her OTP. And it worked! I went so far, as to write a poem out of some crack fan fiction plot I had in mind, and it was also awesome. I’ve enjoyed my way back to the poetry realm again, but there was still a huge wall for me to come through: language. I found myself in having no audience, but a great possibility in writing in English. So I also started to write poems in English, and, even though it did not give me a great audience, at least my non-Polish speaking friends could read my poems.

Where am I now with poetry? I like reading it, I adore listening to SLAM poets, form time to time I write a poem, like the one I wrote for my fav tv series’s art project. They are not all sad children stories/tragic teen love/”immature” pieces anymore. Just an another medium to share a story. I also have a slight feeling that this whole poetry craze may help me with my further writing – maybe someday I will finally write this musical and we are all gonna be equally surprised.

*too bad I still did not figure out how to make my handwriting more legible

**try to write a mature poem while being in HS

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