I feel like I should be moving forward and I am not. Did something go wrong on the way? I know that generally not moving backwards is almost like moving forward. It is, am I right?
Though, maybe I am wrong. Completely wrong. I mean, let’s face the facts. At least I am doing something.
I am writing, trying to do my best at work and school. The novel is growing slowly. And yes, it is true, that I do not write it entirely as regularly as I planned, but at least I write whenever I can. On the other hand, the number of drafts for other projects, old and new, is piling up like crazy. There is also an increasing possibility that my audio play will get produced sometime soon – also working my ass out on that. Then, why something feels out of place?
Must be the “finishing stage” nostalgia. You know, this quiet confusion on whatever should I do next. By “next” I mean, after all the exams. I know that some time ago, even though my finishing college plans took an unexpected turn after all, at least I had any! To put it briefly: I had a plan A, B and had to work out a plan C. Now I don’t have any plans, and I feel like I am too old for leaving things on whatever happens. On the other hand, fuck this shit, I am only 24.
I am 24, my God.
Today I’ve realized, that I’ve just spent 4 years volunteering as a radio host. I think this was a time well spent, but maybe it’s time for a next step. I wasn’t expecting to continue my radio job for more than 3 years, you know. I like it, even though it is not the most beneficial thing that I do, but I think it gives one a slightly vintage vibe. Also, it’s not like I’ve been just sitting and talking shit to the microphone for 4 years. I did developed some new ideas, I guess, so it was not a wasted time for sure.
Well, I guess I will have to leave anyway, whenever I get a full-time job, so maybe now it’s not the time to take up my thoughts with that?
Okay, so maybe it’s about a place? Well, who am I kidding, I love the place I live now. I have a great roommate, I have a big bed and my own desk, I really wished for a desk for previous 3 years. I live in a much prettier city than any urban space I’ve lived before. It’s close to my home and I have many friends in here. This one hypothesis must be wrong then.
When I look back, even at the last year I can see there must have been some development, but still I feel like I am stuck. I wonder what can be done about that.
Another tea, maybe.