use the most of the time given

Yesterday was very rainy as I was coming back home by a late bus. The water was pouring down the bus windows, so one could hardly see anything but their own reflection, enlightened by orange street lights. I’ve watched myself in a glass wall in front of my sit. Be as it may, I’ve realized that, contrasting with my grey jacket, my honey gold hair, which was already tousled by winds and fluffy with humidity, quite resembles a lion’s mane. That was when I remembered, as I was somewhere at my 1st year of graduating school I used to have this dream about lions. There were always three of them: two black ones and one white. Don’t mind me wrong, I don’t believe in all of that dreams’ meanings staff, maybe I shouldn’t as a graduate, after all there is no dream forecasting classes at economics major. Though, the inner academic is always strong in me, and I felt like I must check it out, so whenever you had a dream like this now you will know that the meaning behind lions is that the black ones represent struggles and the white lion is the symbol of the inner power one holds. Two black ones, one white. This is quite the experience of being a university student, given in a pinpoint.

Now you probably wonder what is the meaning behind three blue lions in Danish emblem, but I would say it’s quite self-explaining if you look close enough at all the hearts surrounding them.

Bye bye to the grad school.

But enough about Denmark.  We are back here, in Poland, where it turned out that life brought me, for my own good probably, no literal lions, but the idea to graduate. I’ve chose a school, I got there and kicked shit out of it – but, since it makes too much sense to be my style, if it was only about that it wouldn’t make it to this story.

I think the first black lion is always awoken at the very beginning. You get to a new place, you have definitely no idea on what is coming whatsoever. To make it even worse, no one around you knows any good or bad of you, but the basic thing to be forgotten in here is that no one can tell whether you’re fine or not, because everyone, including teachers, is at the same stage of being unacknowledged. This comes with even more basic mistake that many freshmen make, that is to prove to everyone around, “I am here. I am ok. I am gonna do this.” The problem is that no matter how hard you try, or maybe even if you succeed in making everyone believe your choice being the right one, and that no matter what happens you are at just the right place, there is still this other black lion, yawning, slowly waking up from his nap, that is a struggle to make yourself believe that you can do it.

One of the most common traps of proving your abilities to yourself are the grades. Again, I congratulate to anyone who got the point of graduating with all As and Bs, including myself, but believing that anyone can put your worth into a few letters of the alphabet is very wrong. If you wake up everyday, even on the days you feel like shit, and still try to do your best, to get along with peers, job, anxiety, your own plans and ambitions – I think this is the way. It gives you this incredible skill to look into your own reflection every other evening and say, “This is who I become, this is what I am able to do,” even if your flatmates may believe that talking to a mirror seems pretty naive and very Disney-ish.  I can assure you, this basic knowledge of yourself and what you can do is the key to get through another exam, another teacher, another day at job and another line in a supermarket. Day by day.

Finally, when you domesticate the two black lions there might come a day when you start looking around and find yourself troubled, if not terrified, of losing the sight of the white one.  Though, if you think of that, the white lion turns out to be the least troublesome. When you happen to meet the remaining ones on your way, the white lion is the one that puts this pen to your hand while you are writing the assignments the night before deadline, let’s be fair here, everyone does it. Anyway, this is the white lion that puts your shoes on your feet on freezing mornings and stir your coffee during late lectures, which may explain its bitter taste.

However inevitable this lion may seem, it is important to remember that he is not the one to tell you to do your best. She would rather follow my own favorite advice, which I want to share with you now. Whichever stage you are right now, even if you have already graduated or did not think about it yet, remember to use the most of the time  you are given. This means also wasting it on video games whenever you have time, drinking, doing stupid things, failing, a lot of failing.  Whatever you do, use the time to its fullest: take an online course, write a story, design a mobile game. Take your time, but do not leave it untouched.

So, this is the way I’ve learnt to look at all the three lions with time. The key is not to get away from them but to learn to be in good terms with all the three. Don’t overuse your inner power, it only gives one insomnia. Believe me, I was there, especially during finals. Don’t let black lions eat you, but remember you do not need to be heroic to deal with them.  One day you will also see your reflection in a steamy bus window on a summer evening, grey like a mixture of black and white fur, but with a golden mane, just like your time spent.




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